Northumbria Police have arrested the ageing rock band Judas Priest for allegedly inciting murder in a subliminal message, hidden within their 1984 hit song - 'Screaming for Attention'.
Detective Inspector Paul Scope said "My 15 year old son picked up a copy of the album at a car boot sale last weekend. As soon as he put it on and I heard the lyrics, I knew that these people had to be removed from society. It was clear that something had to be done to stop this atrocious subliminal corruption of young, vulnerable minds".
A copy of the offending lyrics are outlined here:
Kneel down before me
I am your master
Let me see the white of your eyes
Love the feel of cold hard steel
Pray for your horse while he dies
Over the land I extend my hand
Loving to speed in the foam
I am the lord of all I survey
Complete with the old people's home
Ev-er-yone shall hear of my name
Making you fear in the night
Enraging decency, raping the land
Never return to the light
Rocking the world
Asking no quarter
Over the land
Under the sky
Let me loose so you can DIE!!!
Lawyers for the band immediately set about fighting the case and insisted that Rob Halford and the rest of the boys were totally against the use of violence of any kind, and prefer, these days, simply to walk the grounds, tend their begonias, and meet in the common room after dinner for the evening rounds of bingo and a good old fashioned singalong.
Following this legal challenge, DI Scope admitted that the lyrical link with the current case may simply be coincidental, but having heard the whole album, he realised that the band should remain in custody, as they had clearly been getting away with murder for decades.