Legislation listing the medical condition “gynecomastia”, or man-boobs, as a disability is to come into effect in 2012, after a white paper was approved in the commons. The move follows a report prepared by NICE which concluded that ‘whilst not life threatening, “moobs” can have a debilitating effect on the socio-psychological well being of men and their families. Big-titted men are prone to unpredictable mood swings which are often provoked by exposure to middle-aged-women (a particular focus being the mother in law), are prone to confusion particularly in matters of spatial awareness and in the most extreme cases can develop a predilection for hard cock.’
‘As a result, associates and most importantly children are frequently exposed to aggressive stomping, the slamming of doors and frequent arguments over social commitments. There have been reports of a rather confusing situation wherein both parents seek the refuge of the kitchen, complain that no-one understands them and drink gin to excess in an attempt to out-maudlin one another.’
‘Therefore’, the report continues, ‘by establishing the condition as a disability, we open the doors for a support network geared to making sure men are not held back by their boobs’
The move has been welcomed in many quarters, especially by the children affected. ‘I just hope that it means that Dad will get some help,’ said James Clinton, whose father is very capable of trapping a pencil. ‘It makes everything so difficult and since he got the moobs, he hasn’t been the same. We used to go to the football every Saturday, but now we always miss the first half because he changes outfit at least five times. And when we get there, he always critiques the players’ outfits and hair styles. He doesn’t even understand the offside rule anymore!’
However, sufferers have reacted angrily to the suggestion that it renders them incapable. ‘It’s already really hard being a man, you know?’ said Roger Bright, a 40DD from Cambridge. ‘People assume that as a man you don’t have emotions, and that you don’t understand certain matters; like, why strappies are more fabulous than slip-ons, and why "a straight throw makes a tidy home". And now we are considered disabled?! The only upside of this is that I might get a properly fitted bra!’
Anti-discrimination groups have expressed concern that attaching a label could lead to bullying and some segregation, but tempered this by saying it may also lead to equality in the long run ensuring the end to glass ceilings for men with chebs.