With Scotland deciding to vote 'No' to independence, David Cameron has stated that he intends to rewarding the country with a goody bag containing 'shopping vouchers, sweets and other goodies that will hopefully make the next hundred pass a little more quickly'.
In a press conference today, Cameron was keen to show the Scottish nation how much he appreciated their loyalty to the British nation by showing some of the treats they could look forward to receiving in the next 6-8 weeks:
"I am happy to confirm that every person will receive a book of shopping vouchers worth £25, which they will be allowed to spend in a number of high street shops. Also we're enclosing a medium-sized t-shirt emblazoned a Union Jack, a bag of Haribo, a box of Celebrations, a Lego figure, three pairs of socks, a keyring printed in tartan colours and a coupon book containing various rewards like a free Extra Value Meal at McDonalds when purchased with another meal at equal or great value"
Although Cameron appeared strangely reticent on confirming any information on his promise to give Scotland more power, simply mumbling something about them being 'subject to discussion', he confirmed the treats won't stop there as he promised a Conservative tour of Scotland to allow people north of the border to meet their favourite Government officials such as Iain Duncan Smith, William Hague and Justine Greening.
When asked if there would be any longer lasting rewards for Scotland, like a separate budget or being able to oversee their own local councils, the Prime Minister stated "Not right now, but I can give you something on that level as I can confirm that for the next two weeks everyone shopping at branches of Tesco in Scotland will be subject to double points on their loyalty cards. Seriously, what more do you people want?"