"We believe that this will help the public keep their focus on safety first and also avert additional unwanted stress should the media have cause to interview them" said Inspector Yardley. The guidelines are as follows
"I first heard of <insert new incident here> this morning/afternoon (delete one) from <insert unreliable third party gossip> before I saw it on <insert chosen media>. My first thoughts, of course were for <mention children under 5, old people, disabled relatives> as I knew they may not <have heard/paid attention/woken up despite the wailing of sirens and gunshots(in the case of teenagers)>
There were Police <everywhere/drinking tea/stopping traffic> through <insert location here>, which did make me feel <safer/pissed off/wondering why my taxes were going on new uniforms>
Only <insert choice of lapsed time> was I <walking/gossiping/off with the local barman/maid> down <insert location here> so I feel really <lucky/pissed off> that I didn’t see anything"
So armed, I believe stress levels will be reasonably contained and will keep hysterical <insert gender here> from bothering the Police