Prize cad Terry Thomas has scuppered any chance his henchman Perkins had of being the new boss at Crystal Palace by sending a dossier of a compromising nature to the FA. ‘I’ve threatened to do it before but this is the first time I’ve had to use the dossier’ said Thomas. ‘I can’t have my man Perkins running off to manage Premier League football clubs, we’re too busy with other skulduggery. The man’s an absolute shower’.
Thomas and Perkins are rumoured to have sabotaged Manchester United’s season last year and are believed to have been instrumental in David Moyes being handed the manager’s job. ‘I’d have to be an absolute rotter to pull that one off’ said Thomas twirling his moustache ‘and fancy them paying £27million for Marouane Fellaini, I wonder how that could have happened?’
Perkins was unavailable for comment and was last seen hanging around the pits at this weekend’s Belgian Grand Prix Spa circuit carrying two spare tyres.