This isn't really ready for the writers' room, but happy for someone else to craft something funny out of it if so desired.
I've seen an early draft of the Labour manifesto for May 2015. It says :
Y'know all the stuff the other lot do. Well, we're gonna do the opposite of that.
- The evil tories want to put up rail fares? Well we're gonna lower them. Hah!
- Bedroom tax? We're gonna repeal that. Alright!
- Y'know they're actually promising a referendum on Europe? Well, we're promising to *not* have one. Have some o' that, Dave!
- That thing about raising personal tax allowance? Well we're gonna *lower* it, yeah!
- The coalition brought in university tuition fees. We're gonna ... oh, wait.
- I've got one, I've got one: We will never, never put Michael Gove in charge of anything. (If that doesn't win us votes then nothing will.)