[Just for old time's sake you realise]
Up and down the country, thousands of attractive girls have performed a traditional British summer coming-of-age ceremony by looking happy for the cameras as they celebrate their A’level results. The Department for Education said that radiance standards among A’level students have reached an all-time peak this year.
'I’ve got four A*s and I’m going to do Medicine at Cambridge,' squealed willowy blonde Gillian Atkinson, as she read her results outside Cheltenham Ladies College. Her pert young breasts bobbed under her thin flowery blouse as she ran to hug her best friend Charlotte Connors in a faintly erotic but still wholesome way.
Connors, a lissome brunette, 18 - so it's OK, she's legal - also had cause to rejoice. She giggled coquettishly, her long, shapely legs gleaming in the morning sunshine, as she revealed to watching camera crews that three As and a B would be enough for her to study English Literature and Sociology at the University of Durham.
It was also celebration time for pretty girls at state schools. In Manchester, Laura Smallwood, a foxy redhead from Corbett's Hill College in figure-hugging jeans, beamed with delight as she opened her results to show two Bs and two Cs, more than she needed to get into her Drama course at Salford University.
Meanwhile in Sheffield, Sally Lumb smiled shyly – but you know what they say about the quiet ones, eh? – as she told waiting journalists about the row of four Bs she had achieved. 'I’m on my way to St Andrews to study Politics,' she said.
Critics have claimed that standards have been ‘uglied down’ in recent years and that this has made it all too easy for girls to look lovely on Results Day. However, the government rejects this, saying that the girls deserve full credit for all their hard work in getting their lithe young bodies in perfect shape for mid-August.
According to unconfirmed reports, some ordinary-looking girls also got their A’level results yesterday. And some boys, apparently.