NB presents the facts at the heart of the debate they're calling the "debate about Scottish independence referendum" about the Scottish independence referendum.
1. Scottish people like to start the day with their national dish for breakfast: a Mars bar deep-fried in North Sea Oil. But English people have been taking the oil to grease the wheels of their London banking machines. Who gets the oil is a key issue in the vote.
2. Unlike UKIP-voting England, an independent Scotland will be a tolerant pro-European nation welcoming immigrants from anywhere in the world. Apart from next door.
3. Despite 200 years experience of losing colonies, English people are getting quite upset about the possibility of Scottish independence. They cannot understand why anyone would wish to reject their benign and totally non-condescending complete political domination. Preparing for the possible consequences of a "yes" vote, the UN has trained special squads of peacekeeping comforters, equipped with cake, Bridget Jones box sets and the ability to shout "s/he's not worth it" in 27 regional accents, to help England get over the breakup.
4. In his plan for Scottish "independence", Alex Salmond plans to keep the pound and the Queen. In Balmoral. He will then become King Alex. HRH is reportedly "curious" at the prospect of ditching Prince Phillip for a younger model, albeit a heavier one, and is pondering whether a new constitutional process would be needed, or simply a discreet heart attack.
5. The future King of Scotland's crown will be made of gold, embossed with Tunnock's Teacakes. Alex Salmond's hat size is 16, but the crown has been made size 21 to accommodate the predicted swelling of his cranium should independence go ahead.
6. Scotland is almost as big as England, but half the country is the Highlands and Islands. These are almost empty apart from a few Highlanders, and even fewer retired lowlanders blaming the high price of their holiday cottages on the English. As a result, two weeks after the Scottish vote there will be a referendum on Highland independence from Edinburgh. With a mere 90% of Scotland's resources (oil, wind, water, whisky, tartan, scenery, and er bagpipes) many Highlanders feel they might just be able to hold their own.
7. After all this excitement, the vote will probably still be a "no".
plenty of time to get this honed for a good Left Alert - comments and contributions please!