Michael Gove had a busy first day in his new role as Chief Whip, placing 15 MPs into special measures and launching an investigation into extremists influencing government policy, particularly on immigration.
"For too long, MPs have had no performance monitoring while taking extended holidays and claiming that their 'constituency workload' kept them busy. The 15 MPs placed into special measures today have consistently blocked Conservative attempts to implement their manifesto." Mr Gove announced in his first press conference since being appointed Chief Whip. "That they are all Liberal Democrats is pure coincidence."
All MPs will now be subject to random inspections and take tests, the results of which will be published in annual league tables.
"Conservative MPs are considering forming a union, balloting their Members about strike action and demanding the word "Gove" is struck from the public record." Said an Rnment spokesman who wished to remain anonymous.
When pressed about rumours that he would be introducing Free MPs, with no entry level qualification and no experience in the role required, he explained that the cabinet had always been chosen that way.
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