Buckingham Palace has issued an Emergency Recall Notice on dozens of honours – including top-of-the-range knighthoods – over concerns that some were issued in error and may constitute a public health risk.
“Our first priority is public safety”, said a spokesman. “This is purely a precautionary measure, and the vast majority of honours are perfectly harmless. For example, if you received an honour for doing something unglamorous and noble, the risks are infinitesimally small.
“However, some honours were inadvertently supplied to people who already held positions of great prominence – singers, actors, so-called ‘disc jockeys’ and the like. In such cases a dangerous build-up of egotistical forces can cause fluid to leak out at inappropriate moments, creating a public safety hazard. There is also a risk caused by moving parts, which can harm small children.
“We would like to apologise for a series of administrative errors which resulted in already rich and famous people being rewarded for doing the job they had fantasised about since childhood. We actually meant to award the honours to good people who had escaped public recognition. It’s a bit embarrassing, really.
“We would urge all showbusiness holders of honours from 1970 onwards to check into a test facility (police station) for a thorough examination.