A football player, who has asked not to be named, has thrown the football establishment into chaos by kicking the ball into the opposition's net during open play, a practice football historians have described as "scoring a goal".
"At first, everything seemed normal", explained the baffled referee. "He dribbled the ball into the other team's 18 yard box. Then just when I assumed he was about to dive to the ground, clutching one or preferably both shins in simulated agony, he actually kicked the ball towards the goal and it went in. The goalkeeper seemed as astonished as I was."
Play had to be halted while FIFA officials consulted the Association Football Rulebook, which surprised everyone by confirming that goals scored during open play count just as much as penalties won by vastly overreacting to perfectly legitimate tackles.
However, this seems unlikely to quell the protests of the opposing team's manager.
"It just won't do to say that this is technically within the rules. It's simply not in the spirit of the game. My concern is that if such cynical tactics are rewarded, young players will learn the wrong lesson and this sort of thing might become commonplace."