The mysterious elusive guerilla street graffiti artist known as ‘Banksy’ was today finally tracked down and arrested in a dawn swoop.
It is believed that, ever since his ‘Spy Booth’ artwork appeared on the side of a terraced house in Cheltenham on 13th April, GCHQ has been monitoring all his online and phone communications 24 hours a day, which eventually led to his capture.
Before he did this piece, which has attracted millions of vistors to the quaint little quirky town since then, no-one in the intelligence services gave a shit as to who he was or what he did.
Banksy is currently being held in a cell at an undisclosed police station and, true to form, is daubing the cell walls with his own excrement with such slogans as ‘my shit smells the same as yours, don’t it?’
Aware of his popularity and the high prices his works can command, police officials are considering dismantling and selling his cell walls to private collectors to fund a new Scotland Yard IT system and recruit another 500 police officers. In line with this thought process, to raise even more money, they keep moving him to a different cell every 3 hours and are feeding him with slap-up meals containing laxatives.
Consequently, in a secret approach to be let off scot-free and leave all his UK street art intact, the government has given him the option to spray-paint whatever he wants on designated high-visibility buildings (staged to look like geurilla attacks), which will then be sold off to help bring the national deficit down and fund the NHS, and has promised not to reveal his identity with a press clampdown.
If not, it is thought his sentence could include being flown around the world to remove all graffiti attributed to him as a lesson to other vandals that this sort of thing is a waste of time, has no influence and doesn’t pay.