Massive leak from margarine factory "spreads to nearby towns and villages"
(7 posts) (5 voices)
Could I suggest rewriting so the punchline 'spreads' is at the end. Always end on the joke and don't have words after to dilute it. As the only components for the joke to work are margarine factory leak and spreads shorten it to:
"Margarine factory leak spreads"
Same joke, four words
Edit: or even "Margarine leak spreads"
Same joke, three words
"Margarine factory leak spreads"Yup - that works
Also I personally like to leave the pun hanging, not putting one side of the pun in context (to nearby towns and villages). This way the reader has to a) do a bit of works mentally and ,b) they get a bigger 'surprise' when it clicks, giving a bigger laugh
Causes traffic jam
I think we could link the two together something along the lines of...
"Margarine factory leak spreads to the site of the Strawberry lorry crash on M1
causing massive jam, police are hoping to have the road re-opened in time for tea."
perhaps replace "on M1" with " near Sandwich " or is that a bit obvious ?
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