Swinging cuts, originally made by the Tories in 1990 and perpetuated by the current coalition government, are forcing an 84-year-old London resident to dig deeper into her meagre life savings than ever before.
Chancellor George Osborne made a specific announcement regarding the funding provided to the OAP in last month's Budget, stating that the £7.9m annual figure originally agreed in 1990 the then Prime Minister would remain frozen for at least the next year, citing 'the economic climate and stuff like that, top hole, what what!'.
Pensioner Liz, who lives in modest 52-bedroom accommodation in the City of Westminster, built up her life savings throughout the 90s despite real-terms cut implemented under John Major, and says that the continuing freeze in her income for the coming year will soon hit home. 'The freeze will mean one has to nip to one's local Post Office to withdraw around £140,000 every week,' said Liz, 'and sometimes more if one needs to visit Balmoral.'
Suggestions made during the opposition leadership battle that Liz 'might like to try bunging a couple of crowns in a Cash4Gold envelope' have been met with a strong response from national age concern charity Age UK, which has condemned the benefits freeze. A charity spokesman says '[the freeze is] an outrage' and that 'no octogenarian should be treated so badly'. The charity is calling for 'a real-terms rise in income' for all OAPs, irrespective of their background or inherited monarchy status.
Sources close to Liz claim she has said that she is 'considering dealing with that Osborne chappie once and for all' and might be tempted to 'sod the bloody cost' and engage the services of the Tower of London hit squad 'just like she did in the summer of '97'.