Former television star Tinky – Winky is the most recent arrest in Scotland Yard’s Operation Yew Tree. Mr Winky was detained this morning following alleged child abuse claims. Rumoured to be working with a number of other dangerous criminals In a gang known only as ‘The Teletubbies’ . Our undercover reporter infiltrated the gang under his alias Noo Noo, and unearthed some home truths about their disturbing habits.
“They would wake up as soon as the sun rose in the morning and they’d be straight on it, every single one of them out of their minds on endless amounts of tubby toast and custard.”
Johnathan Smith Aka 'Noo Noo' recounted his ordeal while in recovery at a local hospital.
“…and I would have to snort up the remains, just so they wouldn’t suspect anything, you know?”
Reports suggest that the gang would play videos they had acquired from outside sources, through their bellies; while the rest of the group stood around and cheered them on.
Smith told us the rest of the gang would scream at the youngest member, PO, until the videos were repeated.
They would scream at the tops of their voices.
Suggestions that what the teletubbies loved most of all was ‘big hugs’ is enough to make stomachs turn. Smith has an insight in to where police might find vital evidence.
“Well, Tinky Winky always carried that red bag around with him. I reckon all the evidence the police are going to need will be in that or in La La’s hat.”
"It's almost as bad as when I infiltrated infamous Crystal Meth front 'The Tweenies' as Doodles the dog. I had to sniff up anything they left just to avoid suspicion... "
After neighbours became suspicious of loud noises early in the morning a warrant was issued and arresting officers sent to Tubby Land at 6am, to disturbing scenes of custard orgies.
"I couldn't tell the winkies from the la las there was that much custard involved. I have to admit it tasted lovely."
Officer Berkington reported outside the front entrance to infamous Tubby Land.
A baby was rescued unharmed from captivity. The child was being kept inside the sun. He is said to be laughing uncontrollably and smiling a lot, the whole ordeal may have a lasting effect on the minor. The police are said to be extensively searching the rolling hills of Tubby Land for the his arms, legs and body.
Mr Winky’s trial will take place at the end of the month along with the rest of his gang. All members are refusing to speak at this point and only seem to communicate with irritating sounds and dance moves.