Building society Nationwide says it is likely to end its sponsorship of the England football team, after its £20m bid to extend the deal was turned down by the FA before the World Cup. England's governing body had expected the national team to perform far better than they actually did, and hoped to be able to negotiate a better offer - a strategy which tragically backfired after the team crashed out in the first knock-out stage.
"Not so fucking cocky now, are you?" pointed out Nationwide's spokesman at a press conference this morning. "You turn down our twenty million quid thinking that you can screw some more out of us, but now look at you, you pathetic bunch of losers. You want a better offer? Well here's one - you can take your sponsorship deal and shove it right up your sorry, defeated, goal-shy arse - how's that for a deal?"
FA chairman Roger Burden spoke to journalists of his sincere hope that negotiations could be resumed. "Fuck! Fuck, Fuck Fuck! I can't believe we turned down twenty million quid, and now look at us - we're a sodding laughing stock! We'll be lucky to get a fiver now - let's face it, we'll have to pay somebody to let us put their company name on the shirts after that bloody catastrophe against the Germans! Oh bugger, bugger bugger! Nationwide, please, please, please, PLEASE give us that money! We're so, so sorry! Look - here's my arse - kick it! Go on, kick my fat spotty arse like the loathsome toad I am! No? Really?"
Despite this tentative attempt at rapprochement, it seems unlikely that Nationwide will change its decision. "Nationwide's sponsorship of the England team has been extremely successful over eleven seasons and has significantly raised the profile of our organisation," a Nationwide spokesman said. "However, this time, they really can shove it right up their arse."