The nation's perverts and sexual predators have spoken out about what they see as 'unfair' treatment in the light of investigations into the sexual career of former TV and radio presenter Jimmy Savile.
'We are just ordinary rapists and nonces trying to get by', claimed one deviant who wished to remain anonymous. 'Maybe a bit of grooming here, some molestation there... Then all of a sudden, just because we discover Mr Savile paraded rings made out of his dead victims' glass eyes, we all get tarred with the same brush.
'What people fail to understand is that we have our own code of conduct, and endeavour to carry out our activities with as little trouble as is necessary, and we always say "if it doesn't move, it doesn't do"'
'I mean, I know some real evil bastards capable of unspeakably depraved acts of villainy, but Savile is just beyond the pale. He let down the whole side. Sure, he studied his craft and did some good work in the seventies, always covering his tracks... but dead people? You just can't admire him for that.'
The complaint comes soon after satirists threatened industrial action over the deceased presenter constantly out-doing their most tasteless innuendos. 'Our careers are based on taking any sleight and using suggestion to push them into the darkest territory possible', said one writer who wished to remain anonymous, 'but each time we apply this to Savile, it turns out he's already taken it ten steps further.'