How about some thing like this?
One of the UK's most prolific film stuntmen, Terry Richards, died suddenly on Saturday.
His funeral service which was held in Ruislip, saw the funeral cortege make its way though Northwest London when a sudden scuffle broke out and the coffin thrown from the hearse. 'Unbelievably it was then carried away by Nazis, hotly pursued by Indiana Jones on a horse,' a member of the congregation said.
'Indy quickly dispensed of the Nazis only to find several large knights in armour bearing down upon him' he continued. 'He jumped out of the way, only for the knights to take the coffin and use it as a battering ram in an attempt to escape. It was like something from a movie.'
Things only calmed down when James Bond arrived in a tank, shot the knights and took the coffin a further half a mile to the cemetery. 'He was amazing,' Richards' late wife said, 'Although I'm not sure how he managed to seduce the vicar in the church vestry at the same time. I struggle to rub my belly and tap my head.'
Amidst mock explosions all over the cemetery, Terry Richards was finally laid to rest. 'He had a full life with plenty of excitement and I'm sure he would have loved his final fight sequences', said his son, 'although now I'm glad he never did any zombie movies'.
That's 231 words so would even consider whittling it down to NiB length