In a desperate attempt to plagiarize his favourite Billy Joel song, the ex-Prime Minister of the UK informed the world's press: 'We didn't cause the Iraq crisis...it was always burning since the world was turning'. However, given the large number of Iraqi children deprived of their fathers due to years of warfare, Mr. Blair helpfully suggested that he would be a worthy recipient of any unwanted 'Dad of the Year' socks, golfing paraphernalia or sectarian-themed card.
Demonstrating the same powers of recall as Rebekah Brooks on rohypnol, Mr. Blair went on to suggest that not only had he not contributed to the Sunni insurgency, he had no 'recollection' of George Bush, the Middle East or 'anything after 2001'. When asked if he recognised a map of war torn Iraq his response allegedly was: 'Is it a butterfly?'.
A spokesman for Mr. Blair said: 'Obviously Iraqi children need to realise that Mr. Blair had nothing to do with their parent's deaths. And if he did, they should be grateful that he prevented them from being exposed to extremists, two loving parents and an absence of Weapons of Mass Destruction. Not that he did have anything to do with it. He wasn't even in the same room. And even if he was, you can't prove anything - LOOK! WHAT'S THAT OVER THERE! ....Hmmm? What's that? What war? I don't know what you mean'.
In the meantime, Iraqi orphans are advised to send Mr. Blair an appropriate Father's Day gift: 'And nothing says I love you, more than 10m barrels of crude oil,' explained Blair's spokesman. 'Mr. Blair can not take the place of your deceased biological parents but he can take the place of any hubristic, war-mongering relatives you might have had. And come Christmas time you'd better send him a big present. What do you mean you don't celebrate Christmas? What's wrong with you people?!? Don't make Daddy angry - you wouldn't like him when he's angry!'