Samantha Lusted (6) says that although she'll be giving her dad a Father's Day card on Sunday, it does not in anyway imply penis envy on her part.
'My dad's a nice guy,' Samantha said,'but no way does my card or present mean I want to shag him, even unconsciously. I'm not into this Oedipus and Electra complex shit.'
Samantha says she spent hours in Clinton Cards selecting a suitable card.
'You can't be too careful,' she says. 'Some of those cards obviously carry a psychosexual message disguised as a joke about golf. I stay clear of anything that suggest the phallic, or erogenous zone. Pipes and slippers are dodgy.'
Samantha thinks her brother Sam (7) suffered castration anxiety on Mother's Day - 'with Mum locking the kitchen knives away' - and she is determined to avoid 'any penis envy' problems.
'We just want a nice family Sunday, ' she says. 'I don't want to be fixated on dicks all day.'
To be on the safe side, Samantha has got her dad a card featuring his favourite food ( sausages) and he's getting a large cucumber as a present.
'It'll be a nice day,' she said. 'I can't wait to give him a big hug and all that.'