A member of the much-loved Boy Band "The Catholic Church" has been forced to reveal details of his private life following allegations in the Catholic Herald's lifestyle supplement "Ciao!". Cardinal Francesco "Curly" Montebaldi (83) has confessed to up to 10 affairs during his 72 years with the band. Other members of the group, whose hits include such classics as "Papal Bullet", "You can't do it even if you really want it", and "tell me all your secrets, baby, it's confidential", were said to be "comatose with shock", or at least "comatose" at the news
Through a spokesman, the Svengali-like manager of "the Church", Joe "The Pope" Ratzinger (91), said "We are all terribly shocked by the news about Curly, I mean really, we never thought he would have ten affairs. With women."
The news is, ironically, expected to boost sales of the band's latest release "Straight to Purgatory for you, baby" which features several of Cardinal Montebaldi's trademark 8-hour "guitar sermons". Despite poor reviews, it continues to break sales records in the South American market.
This is the biggest scandal to hit the band since former member Cardinal Pepe "Lucifer" Ferraro released his controversial worldwide smash-hit album "Superholy Black Massive" in 2007.