The western world has been blown apart by the discovery of opera societies and wine drinking in the Australian Outback.
Frederick Brannigan, a 19 year old student from Windsot, was hitchhiking across the Outback after losing a bet at Eton School. He came across a small bar in the middle of nowhere and decided to pop in for a beer.
When he walked in he was surprised by the sight of about thirty burly Aussies sitting around in dinner jackets and cravats enjoying an Oscar Wilde play and wine. It took some time for them to notice him as they were so wrapped up in the performance.
"I was totally taken aback by the sight. It's not the sort of thing you expect to see in Australia."
He was startled when someone from the behind the bar yelled, "Oh my goodness, a tourist. And he's seen our play!" There were other shouts of "Dash it", "Grab the oily toad" and "Don't panic."
Frederick realised that his life was in danger and made a run for it. As luck would have it the sun was setting and he managed to escape in the dusk and then hid in a Koolabah tree.
The following day he was discovered by a passing Aborigine who confirmed the unusual events of the previous night. "They've been at it for decades. If it's not Oscar bloody Wilde, it's Shakespeare or Puccini."
After being smuggled out by the Foster's underground railway, Frederck has returned to the UK with his amazing story. Russell Crowe and Mel Gibson have denied the reports, but both were caught listening to Opera whilst sipping red wine at home by the papparazzi.