A joint Ofsted-MI5 report released today revealed the extent to which Britain is run by former pupils of a shady network of schools. Open only to individuals holding extreme wealth, these “public” schools – many of them hiding their activities under the pretense of being charities – are accused of producing “culturally isolated” pupils.
Among the practices listed in the damning report are:
- girls and boys educated separately;
the regular use of physical violence on pupils;
pupils forced to learn arcane dead languages such as Latin;
pupils schooled in the history of warfare, including an explicit focus on the so-called “Trojan Horse” tactic;
pupils forced to attend religious ceremonies known as 'assemblies' and 'services';
pupils required to wear bizarre dress and take part in cultish rituals.
Unsurprisingly, the report suggests that many pupils leave these schools culturally isolated. A survey of 2014 leavers showed that many were unable to identify any of the members of One Direction, or give the price of bus ticket into town. On the positive side, they could name the entire England polo team, and knew the best deals on yacht hire in Europe and the USA.
Many warn that Britain is in danger of being taken over by the alumni of these institutions. Neither the Prime Minister, the Mayor of London or the Royal Family were available for comment.