In a ground breaking deal announced today, Sky Broadcasting has secured the TV rights to every NHS patient’s “Battle with Cancer” for the next five years. “It’s become obvious that no one ever simply dies of cancer - they always “Put up a Brave Fight” or “Battle on Despite the Odds” a Sky spokesman said. “We think that this is a wonderful opportunity for the media to put some money back into the NHS and also make thousands of short term stars.”
Exact details of the deal are still to be announced, but it is thought a highlights package will be available on the free-to-air Sky Cancer Three channel. Friends and relatives that wish to view the full “Battle for Life” of their loved one will be able to buy a reduced price subscription to Cancer One and Two, although the minimum contract duration will be for three years, with no refunds.
“The UFC and Jade Goody have both been extremely good revenue streams in recent years, and the idea of combining the two has been the dream of independent production companies” a media analyst said. “Finally Sky has managed to put a deal together. The NHS are tough negotiators, but it is thought that Sky’s promise to buy the rights to all of Snow Patrol’s back catalogue swung the deal. Everyone knows you can’t have any hope without their music behind you.”
The NHS were quick to discount accusations that patients who don’t wish to be televised would have their treatment compromised. “When they are told the tragic news that they are about to “Embark on a Battle” (cue Snow Patrol), they will be offered a release form. If they don’t want to sign it, then all they have to do is take it to the receptionist at the Urgent Care Centre at Hemel Hempstead Hospital to rearrange their treatment programme. It is open on alternative Tuesdays.”