With summer approaching and British teenagers planning their getaways, Chavkos has emerged as 2014’s most popular choice, overtaking rivals Knickerloss and Syphillos.
The lively resort on the Greek Island of Diplodocus has seen record hotel bookings, and its thriving banana boat industry is expecting its greatest volume of passengers since rides began in 2006.
‘The chaps and I charter a banana boat every year, and a trip to Chavkos would be remiss without one’, says Tyler Green, Crawley, who dismisses allegations from local residents that the Brits have become less entertaining in recent years, claiming: ‘Utter nonsense. I was here last August and I can tell you first hand, we still know how to put on a show. At three in the morning one night I saw a Liverpudlian man throw a kebab at a police car, then stand with his hands in the air victoriously chanting "England" across three syllables. You certainly don't get that blend of slapstick and poetry from the French.’
Green may have a point, as British lads seem to be endearing themselves not only to the locals but to other European holiday makers, including Klaus Braun, from Munich, who visited with his family in 2010: ‘The British guys had us in stitches as they told each other about their sexual conquests. Then, every time my wife and I tried to teach our four-year-old daughter to swim, one of them would do what they called a "dive-bomb" into the pool and completely soak us all. It was all incredibly funny, we can’t wait to go back.’
And it’s not just amusement our young men bring to the resort. In the midst of a financial crises, Greece's counterfeit sunglasses industry is booming, followed closely by a burgeoning moped hire market. ‘There’s a gold rush here’, says George Tselentakis, a street vendor. ‘The Brits are buying up sunglasses and won’t travel anywhere on foot.’
Meanwhile the girls are keeping up their end, propping up the contraception industry throughout tourist season. Wigan’s Donna Radcliffe is no exception: ‘The ladies and I adore Chavkos, we have so much fun here. But we’re far more careful than we used to be and keep a ready supply of condoms on us. We learned the hard way; Lauren conceived her second child here last summer. We’re hoping to run into the father this year before he disappears to university.'