Edinburgh's new tramp service has started hassling tourists all across the city centre.
The first tramps were in place at 6 this morning outside the Gyle shopping centre where shop workers were abused, spat on and asked for a pound for a cup of tea.
A spokesman for the Scottish department of culture told Newsbiscuit that the new tramps were bringing back the feeling of the good old days, a time when life was simpler, when there was vomit on every street corner and a wanking hobo on every park bench.
The reintroduction of the tramps into the wild has been controversial and not without its critics. The council has spent over £7m to make sure that there is a homeless junkie every 30 feet along the Royal Mile.
In the years since the first money was allocated to the scheme, the price of a cup of tea has doubled and the number of genuine Scottish gentlemen of the road has halved. There has been a marked increase of Eastern European itinerants coming into Edinburgh taking the jobs, drinking the metal polish and picking the pockets of unsuspecting tourists.
Tramp enthusiast Norman Stevens spoke of his "absolute pleasure" at the scheme. "It's a dream come true," he told our reporter. "As a boy I often heard stories of the old tramps and now we can experience the groping, punching, spitting and swearing our fathers and grandfathers endured."
Leader of Edinburgh council's Tramp commission, Irene Wood, said, "We are now the envy of the world. The tramp project was never going to be easy, but with a lot effort and a focus on our captive breeding programme, it now feels amazing to have achieved so much."