Following today's shock news of an alliance between Nigel Farage's 'People's Army' and the Badger Resistance Movement (BRM) the UKIP leader appears to have wasted no time in deploying his new allies. Buoyed by UKIP's historic performance in the European elections Farage has ordered a division of the badger army to Sheffield to finish off beleagured Lib Dem leader Nick Clegg. Reports tonight from outside the Deputy Prime Minister's constituency home claim that his garden wall has been breeched and that the badgers have surrounded the house. Unconfirmed reports claim that a Badger-UKIP flag has been seen flying from the roof of the house and that Clegg's wife Miriam was seen waving a white handkerchief from a top floor window.
'Our underground movement is battle hardened and ready to take up arms against the forces of darkness' said BRM Colonel Bob Clegg (no relation) 'we saw off DEFRA so Nick Clegg and the Lib Dems should be a piece of piss. We formed an alliance with UKIP because we have a common goal, I mean if a clan of disease ridden Romanian badgers moved in to a sett next to you you'd be worried wouldn't you? Once we've taken care of Clegg then we march on London to sort out Cameron and that lot, also I hear they have great underground system there which a lot of the boys are keen to see'.