"Well I'm glad it's all over," said the dog, when reporters interviewed him at his home this afternoon. "I've had it up to here with listening to my boss going on and on about these here UKIPs and these Liberal Democratses and what-have-you. I'm a dog, not Brian Walden. I have no interest in politics whatsoever."
When pressed to give his opinion on the success of UKIP despite accusations of racism, sexism, xenophobia and homophobia, the dog replied,
"As I say, I'm a dog. My main interests are bones, sniffing bums, sniffing things that aren't bums, eating litter and scoffing sausages. Speaking of which, I don't suppose you've got any sausages, have you? No? Shame that."
Waving away accusations of voter apathy, the dog told reporters,
"I honestly don't care about that because I've got more important things to worry about. I need to clear my anal glands by scooting my backside across the boss's best rug. Then I'm going to tear his favourite pair of slippers to shreds and do a poo on the kitchen floor. He'll play merry hell when he gets home from work and sees what I've done, but I'll just do that sad dog face thing I do and all will be forgiven."