Britain and the rest of the world is, this morning, reeling from the shock of a scandal that could rival Plebgate and MP's Expenses.
Social Media sites including Twitter and Facebook are being dominated with comments on the shocking new revelation that refrigerator lights do not, in fact, extinguish when the door is closed.
The first reports appear to have originated from a guilt-ridden employee in a Chinese manufacturing firm. Talking about his decision to reveal all the man said "This is the industry's biggest secret! Enforcement mobs roam the factory floors, terrorising employees and making sure that this dirty little secret doesn't come out. They rely on the fact that, once the door is closed, you have no way of knowing! It looks like Schroedinger wasn't as crazy as people think!"
The whistle-blower, who wishes to remain anonymous, is understandably concerned for the safety of himself and his family now that he has released the cat from the bag (or should that be box!).
An irate spokesman for a leading international fridge manufacturer said "The public have been living in collective denial for a long time! It doesn't take a genius to work out that the sorts of technology required to perform this sort of witchcraft simply can't exist."
When the reporter drew a comparison with the interior light of a standard car the spokesman became "enraged" and terminated the interview abruptly.
Secretary of State for the Environment, Food and Rural Affairs, Owen Patterson MP gave a rushed statement outside his home earlier this morning:
"It is clear to me that this scandal is at the root cause of the world's climate change problems. All those little lights in fridges being on 24/7 has obviously played a huge part in contributing to the emissions produced across the world. I will be talking to the Prime Minister this morning to urge him to set up a judicial review into this scandal as a matter of urgency."
In a leaked memo from the Prime Minister's office to the Conservative members of the cabinet, Mr Cameron is reported to have said "Cooking, cleaning and all household chores is Nick's responsibility. Clearly, now this has the opportunity to make some real headlines and to make us look good for the next election then we will wrestle control back from the Lib Dem's but we'll also make it clear that it's their fault in the first place."
A spokesman for Green Peace has urged all fridge owners to stop using them and to just eat grass henceforth.
Alex Salmond has also issued a statement saying "Under an Independent Scotland this would never have been an issue. The No Campaign has known about this for years and has spent millions covering up this scandal."
