With another prisoner seemingly walking out of an open prison instead of doing the decent thing and finishing his sentence, the public are being urged to get themselves locked up at her majesty's pleasure to help keep themselves safe from robbers and murders. Justice secretary Chris Grayling has said he is disappointed that prisoners are showing they just can't be trusted to manage their own incarceration, but promised he was doing everything in his power to make sure the public was protected from some of the most dangerous people in society.
'I've asked Serco and G4s to do a stock take of all the murderers, armed robbers, and convicted gang members and it turns out there are probably more outside of prison than inside,' Grayling said. 'So just to be on the safe side, we are recommending that any member of the public who wants to be protected by the prison system to commit a crime like fraud, burglary, or not paying your TV License that will see them jailed. Once locked up you'll be in the one place in Britain we can be sure doesn't contain any of really dangerous people.'
76-year-old Daisy Lincoln was arrested, charged, and pleaded guilty to assaulting a police officer, a crime she committed to ensure a prison sentence. 'We haven't seen any 'real' criminals in here for two weeks,' she told a press conference in a hotel in London she popped out to. 'It's not as bad as you would think. Although we are locked up at night, we can pretty much come and go as we please. But when I'm the prison I know it's probably the safest place in the country. And Mavis next door is lovely.'
Labour have been quick to criticise the advise for people to get themselves sent to jail to be safe, saying for a start there are nowhere near enough prison places to house everyone. Chris Grayling was quick to dismiss the claim saying more prisons will be built to accommodate everyone.
'In a true show of justice and punishment the new prisons will be built by the bono fide criminals,' Grayling said. 'Just as soon as we can find them.'