Potential mass protests and strikes may be on the cards for the newly merged Dixons and Carphone Warehouse group, now confirmed as Dixons Carphone. Retail staff members are not happy that the requirements of the job have now ballooned to include being incompetent, unhelpful, clueless, and arrogant on an even bigger range of electronics goods, which now spans from smartphones to washing machines.
All Carphone Warehouse staff have until recently had intense training on perfecting the art of the common ‘shoulder shrug’ when they are asked questions in store regarding mobile screen resolution, CPU speed, Operating System or whether the same phone is available in pink. It has taken months and hard work to forget all of the relevant phone knowledge they had before their employment in order to accomplish the faultless shrug of the shoulders along with possible comments on whether flappy birds will be available again in the near future. The prospect of now having to become as clueless and useless for many more types of goods such as Nescafe coffee machines, and Henry vacuum cleaners is extremely scary.
Meanwhile, Dixons staff now have to learn how to fritter away time with customers who take out new mobile contracts, by pretending to be activating new sim cards with the operator over the phone, when in fact they are talking to their best mate’s mum. They also need to train on how to successfully bully old ladies who come in for a screen protector for their Samsung Galaxy phone, but don’t know which of the never-ending variant names it is (S1, S2, S3, S4, S5, Fame, Ace, Grand, Note, Mega, Young, Old, Celery, Prune, Frodo, BigGulp, Bumfuzzle, JiggyJiggy, CilitBang, …etc...)
The Trade Union leader for the Dixons Carphone group, Russell Hobbs has described the new training regime as severely rigorous and damaging during his short interview, further commenting,
“To drain knowledge of every type of electrical good for the sake of this job means we are running a serious health risk. Sure, it would make us good at our jobs, but not knowing anything about anything will mean we will have to replace this knowledge in our heads with other, more unstable and dangerous knowledge, like learning about the modern arts, ballet, and other things like pottery…..now what sort of life will that lead to?”
When asked about the likelihood about the strike action going ahead as planned, Russell was keen to get his point across,
“Strike action, just like them tube drivers do, may be the best way for those corporate decision makers to take notice of our concerns. We are still deciding whether to go ahead with the strike planned for Thursday next week, but it all depends on whether my Nan is home that day, cos she is the only one who knows how to work the telly.”