A court was today shocked to discover that 18 year old bomb plotter Michael Piggin was not a lonely teen bent on revenge against the world but in fact a contributor to the once popular satirical news site Newsbiscuit writing a comedy sub under the pseudonym ‘Wayland’. He was arrested earlier in the year when GCHQ intercepted details of a bizarre bomb plot.
Police examined his PC and discovered an amusing but unfinished story of a lonely teen whose laughable bomb plot is thwarted because he had to buy everything from Poundland. In the story the plotter gets frustrated as he attempts to make a bomb using a multipack of matches, BBQ firelighters and some Rizlas. This does not prove an effective explosive and buying all these items at a pound a time soon adds up leaving him short of cash and resenting the budget store chain for suckering him in. The article which was clearly ludicrous contained a sub plot about a plan to assassinate tv antiques dealer David Dickinson for describing the stores products as 'cheap as chips'.
The sub remained unfinished as the writer couldn’t decide whether to dispatch the perma-tanned presenter quickly by suffocation using a pack of 5 plastic shower caps or slowly by making him eat one the manky sandwiches which had sat in the fridge at the front of the shop for weeks. Earlier experiments with the pack of 3 toy dart guns failed as they all broke within five minutes.
The teen was initially granted bail but police discovered an attempt to erase his online persona and all former submissions to the site fearing that other stories insulting former Prime Ministers Blair and Brown and ridiculing the establishment might be taken seriously. This desperate act which the unfeeling hordes in the Writers Room took to be a 'nuclear flounce' was to no avail and he was remanded in custody until trial.
Speaking via a video link shady comedy Svengali John O’Farrell described the defendant as a likeable chap and keen contributor over the years who showed the comedy writing skill of someone of more advanced years. O’Farrell briefly lifted the veil of secrecy to confirm the defendant was none other than Waylandsmithy.
A spokesman for a rival chain today defended the decision to introduce 5 sticks of semtex for 99p. ‘We are only reacting to what our customers want. If the government don’t like it they should bring in legislation. .. oh they did… when was that.’