Police are buried under mess of their own making thanks to an excess of paperwork, and bureaucracy is preventing them sorting it out says Sir Denis O'Connor, chief inspector of constabulary.
Permission to engage a plumber for the unfortunate toilet paper incident at a station 'somewhere in East London' has been confirmed, but the matter is currently waiting financial concurrence before being authorised.
'It has had the advantage of a hell of a lot more bobbies out on the beat trying to escape from the smell,' said one officer, 'but we've got a lot of staff who are desk-bound and the situation is getting pretty desperate I can tell you. The loos are chock-full now - it's worse than Glasto!'
Bosses at the station are considering calling in their specialist CO19 firearms unit, known for their steely nerves and quick thinking, to give the pipework 'a good going over with some Mr Muscle' if the purchase order fails to progress quickly.