The soccer world was rocked to its foundations today with the shocking revelations of David Beckham’s sordid sex life. His former Los Angeles Galaxy teammates remained dumbfounded yesterday as allegations emerged that Mr. Beckham has been engaging in sexual relations regularly with his wife, Victoria "Posh" Spice.
“This has just come as a huge shock to all of us,” said former teammate, London Donnelly. “When David first arrived in the US, we all saw his role here as an ambassador of the kind of wanton sexual deviancy that we have come to expect from top European soccer stars. This just never happened and I think his time here will be judged a colossal failure as a result.”
The revelations left US soccer fans feeling short-changed, and many were immediately pointing fingers at senior figures within the US soccer hierarchy.
“You bring a player like David Beckham to this country, pay him all that money, you expect regular backpage stories on how he’s teaming up with the goalkeeper to spitroast a co-ed in Toronto,” said LA Galaxy fan, Frank Martino. “This is the commissioner’s fault. Where’s the leadership?”
MLS Commissioner, Hank Peterson, defended his handling of the global soccer icon. “We did everything we could to introduce David to local strip clubs, beauty queens with father issues, and even the coach’s weekly watch-and-learn sessions. But he always insisted on spending the evenings with his wife. The sick pervert. There’s only so much I can do.”