There was concern for the condition of Nigel Farage today after it was revealed the UKIP leader has recently been deliberately calcifying his body in order to fuse himself to the much-loved wartime landmark.
Friends of the beer-swilling MEP have said that it was Farage's aim to be joined with the edifice in order to ward off approaching ferries and hovercraft – all of which was to be filmed and screened in a special party election broadcast. However, there has been no sign of the MEP for several days, and many in his party now fear him permanently consumed within the rock-face.
The bumptious patriot was last seen covered in chalk and heading for the coast. "He was definitely pumped-up from his recent TV debate triumphs", one party worker told us. "He spoke about feeling invulnerable and soaring like a gannet, then he seemed to retreat into his small group of advisors."
A doctor commented: "Attempting to meld with iconic porous rock is not advisable - once fusing begins, it becomes very unclear where the person ends and the geological stratum begins. A "cliff-human" might find themselves unable to call for help, and would eventually be susceptible to the effects of weathering and erosion, as we have seen in the recent storms."
Forces Sweetheart Dame Vera Lynn, who made the cliffs famous in her wartime hit "White Cliffs of Dover", was unavailable for comment of Farage's condition.
