No tributes have been flooding in after a 45-year-old father of two set fire to his own head and died while on holiday in Mexico. Sales executive Gavin Farley was said to have been well into his third bottle of tequila when he decided to attempt a firebreathing trick he’d once seen on telly.
Lazy journalists, eager to print something nice about the prat, took to Twitter only to discover the reaction to the news of Farley’s death ranged from indifference to outright jubilation.
Alex Richards, thought to be the dead man’s boss, wrote: “He was OK sometimes, but usually pretty annoying. That’s the best I can do.” Meanwhile Farley’s brother, Keith, tweeted: “A lifelong cock and a total waste of space. He had this coming.”
Farley’s two teenage sons were said to be too overwhelmed by joy to speak, but his wife, Jane, said at an emotional press conference: “Gavin was always a bit of a dick. I’d like to be able to say he lit up our lives but he really didn’t. He lit up his own head. What a tool.”
Asked what it is that makes grown men act like knobs on holiday, psychologist Dr Kate Schwarz from University College Hospital said: “In most cases there is a great sense of relief when a hardworking, middle-aged man with the weight of the world on his shoulders finally gets a chance to unwind. It might lead him to drinking more heavily than normal, buying some daft clothes or trying out a few moves on the dancefloor that embarrass his children. But from what I’ve heard about Gavin Farley, I can only conclude that he was just a massive bell end - holiday or no holiday. There’s really nothing more to it than that.”
The coroner recorded a verdict of total dickheadedness. A funeral was originally planned for a week from today but family and friends have decided they can’t be bothered.