Pupils at schools across the country and in Wales will experiment with alcohol poisoning, itchy tweed jackets, non-filtered cigarettes and incontinence (sexual and otherwise) as a tribute to the greatest poet Britain has ever produced, not counting Shakespeare and or Keats.
‘We will not let Dylan Thomas’s memory go gentle into the Dark Knight that rises’ said Welsh English teacher Jamie Smythe in both languages, in one of the Swansea pubs Thomas was famous for spoiling. ‘A night so black, deep black Guinness so bible black you can’t see your face in it Mrs Myfanwy,’ Smythe told the South Wales Echo before being a bit sick in the previous day’s edition.
GCSE pupils will learn that Dylan Thomas went to New York to discover a new folk singer with a similar name to his own, and that he also invented Dylan in the Magic Roundabout, albeit posthumously. When he arrived in the Big Apple in 1953 it wasn’t even called that yet, though tragically, by the time it was, Thomas had died of drink and poetry.
English teachers say that experiment with beer, whisky and Senior Service and the opposite sex is key to teenagers’ understanding of the man behind the poetry, who died so tragically drunk. ‘Without it, the characters of Llareggub would be pale, white, under milk white snow white Milky Bar kid ghosts of themselves’ said Jamie Smythe, who has taught English literature for two years and comes from Lytham St Annes.
‘What a lot of people don’t know is that Llareggub means 'get me another fucking drink’ in Welsh, which was typical of Thomas’s dark black, liquorice chess piece black black humour. I'll think of some more black things in a minute. Has the bar closed?’