With recent court cases of individuals being tried for crimes committed in a era where they (if not society) believed they were just 'having fun', the government has decided that they will fine everyone who smoked indoors...ever.
Over the past 20 years the number of smokers has dropped, as the older ones die, and the younger ones realise they can't enjoy their spare time with a lung-full of reek. This reduction in smoking, coupled with the rise in E-Cigarette usage has resulted in a drop of revenue for the Government.
Beginning June 1st, everyone who every smoked will be taxed on the basis that they smoked for at least a year and committed at least 100 offences in that year, and will be fined £100 per offence. A government spokesman said,
"At £10,000 per smoker or ex-smoker, we'll be able to wipe the deficit out, pay for all those hospital PFI thingies, and get our snouts back in the trough for another 25 years. Ideally we would like to do all three, but we'll settle for one of them."
The money will be paid up monthly over the life of the next parliament, with a 0.5% discount for those who pay it all at once by direct debit, while ticking a box to authorise the selling of their personal details to 3rd parties. The opposition immediately criticised the high fine, and suggested £99.99 would be more appropriate, and we expect more bidding as May 2015 approaches.
Smokers and ex-smokers were said to be livid. One even suggested that if he'd known this would happen he never would have quit, preferring to die early and rob the Government of their cash. Another reckons if he shifts to Capstan Full Strength and smokes 60 a day between now and May 2015, he can pop his clogs early ("or be so kippered, I won't care anyway").