While Wayne Rooney admits that England's woeful performance and embarrassingly early exit from the World Cup may well have dealt his BBC Sports Personality of the Year hopes a severe blow, he has revealed that he still believes that he is in with an "outside chance" of lifting the Beeb's much coveted sporting title later this year.
"I were dead gutted when we got knocked out on Saturday", said Rooney. "I was sure I'd completely blown me chances of being voted Sports Personality - specially cause during the entire tournament, I'd been playing like a partially sighted paraplegic Orang-utan on Mogadon", he continued.
However, the timely intervention of England coach, Fabio Capello [correct at time of publication], and team mascot, David Beckham, has left Wayne with renewed optimism in his BBC Sports Personality of the Year prospects.
“Da Guv'nor and Becks were great. Dey suggested dat I put the whole World Cup blip behind me, and instead concentrate on raising me media profile like. Apparently, it’s not what you achieve, but what you promise to achieve that matters. So me and Coleen is going to announce dat we’s working on a cure for Cancer now”, explained Rooney.
"Having spoke to da Boss and Becks, I feel much more positive about my chances. After all, dees guys do know what dere taking about – dey do doe do. I mean, the Guv lifted Coach of the Year last year, and Becks bagged the big one back in 2001 - and dat’s despite him not actually having a personality”, he concluded.