Reports have been received of a crash involving the UK economy and another vehicle on the elevated section of the M4 near Port Talbot, South Wales. Eye witnesses of the crash, which occurred in the early hours of Thursday morning, have suggested that the economy seemed to lose control of fiscal and banking regulatory policy shortly before careering wildly into the path of an oncoming articulated lorry.
Police, Fire Brigade and Ambulance Service personnel have been drafted in from all over South Wales to deal with the emergency which has been described by some locals as “Really, really bad, you know?”.
As yet unconfirmed, reports suggest that a number of major banks have received emergency “cash injections” at the scene and that car manufacturing giants Vauxhall and Jaguar may still be trapped in the wreckage.
Although government sources have been at some pains to point out that this is not the first time that the UK economy has been involved in a crash of this sort and that it is very much “ …business as usual”, on this occasion political commentators and police alike have been united in their condemnation of the way it has been driven over recent months.
Calls for a full “root and branch” public enquiry into the causes of the crash have come from motoring pundit and Top Gear presenter, Jeremy Clarkson, who has been quoted as saying: “This was, quite literally, an accident waiting to happen. The 10 years under the previous administration turned the UK economy into a bloated, out of control, gas-guzzling gravy train … which suffers, massively, by comparison to the sheer draw-dropping brilliance of the Bugatti Veyron. At an on the road price of more than £800K the Veyron seems a tad on the expensive side, but when you consider that it delivers a loin girding 922 lb ft of torque @ 2200rpm, and 0-60 in an eye-wateringly fast 2.5 seconds it’s easy to see that it out-performs the UK economy in every measure that counts. END. OF”
Tributes have been received for Petro-Chemical giants BP (99), said to be in a critical condition at Swansea’s Morriston Hospital.