Psychologists, sex-therapists and S&M enthusiasts were only a few of the groups today to welcome the latest tube strike 'with open arms'. Many commuters admitted to travelling unecessary stops to take advantage of the exquisitely intimate conditions on the London transport network over the past 24 hours.
Despite ample notice of the industrial action and live updates on the situation via various media sources, crowds appeared undeterred. Long queues formed to participate in the hot, frenetic action every time the doors opened to admit revellers onto the trains or onto the alternate transport, openly referred to as 'the Boris bendy bus' after 'he of eerie appetite'. Others were happy simply to join the silent majority just watching. Many of the rapt audience were willing to wait hours, simply for the vicarious pleasure of silently observing, or even 'chatting to like-minded individuals' about the unobtainable pleasures of 'getting there'.
'I am forever indebted to Bob Crowe for the most sexually gratifying experience I could get without risking a criminal charge', explained Paul, a startlingly unattractive individual from Salisbury. A Whitehall middle manager admitted, 'Normally when I rub myself forcibly against junior staff at work, I run the risk of being accused of bullying or harrassment', he explained, 'Here though, no-one passes judgement.'
The strike has also proved an unexpected draw for those of less tactile tendencies, who are happy just to mill around at the back of the mêlée, airing their grievances. 'I just love complaining', admitted Beverly, an admin support from Hammersmith.
Some admitted to being lured by the promise of 'action' from the 'RMT Union', which was widely misunderstood to be an unnatural but perversely exciting movement. 'Some of these people are looking for love in all the wrong places', explained an Underground engineer. 'The Northern Line can be very fickle at the best of times'.