Al Roberts, of Cobalt, Ontario, told a local newspaper today that after reading the Pevensie review of their recent Narnian holiday he ‘simply had to speak out’. Mr Roberts had just returned from Narnia after a week-long holiday with his second wife and two sons.
Mr Roberts, who runs his own business selling tyres and batteries, said that he knows what it’s like trying to make money in the current world economic climate and he thought Mr Pevensie was ‘totally unfair’.
‘Look,’ he told the newspaper, ‘in this life you get what you pay for, just as you do with my quality tires and car batteries. Just look at the reviews for EasyCloset . . . they had a pretty typical experience. We went for TopCupboard and it was a very enjoyable trip. They only hang furs and minks in there, you know.’
Mr Roberts then went on to elucidate with a mastery of the English language not usually associated with North Americans.
“Now, this whole Tumnus thing. He was very hurt by that. He told us, “Hey, I’m a faun. Narnia is a simplistic representation of a quasi-mediaeval fantasy Europe. We don’t have any tailors, just peasants in remote huts making clothes. Where am I supposed to get pants?”’
‘We just thought the whole thing was a hoot. In fact, when Tumnus wasn’t looking, I threw a quarter into the snow and when he bent over to pick it up, we took a photo! It’s on my Facebook page under “Narnia Holiday Snaps”. He got in touch later and “liked” it.’
The criticism of the weather was dismissed by Mr Roberts with, ‘Did this Pevensie guy ever take a holiday in Moose Jaw? No, I didn’t think so.’
As for the accommodation complaints, Mr Roberts said, ‘Well, you can’t expect too much from a beaver lodge. It’s going to be a bit damp, but they were nice enough. A bit smelly. An all-wood diet will do that, you know. And they didn’t get my favourite joke: “Why aren’t there any beavers in Brazil?” Oh well.’
‘But the White Castle was something else. Hey, I’ve got staff I’d love to turn to stone, you know? It’s hard enough running a business anyway. And I’ve got to say that White Witch has some curves on her! She had a slinky outfit on for dinner one night . . . anyways, there an ice rink out the back, and we’d brought our skates, of course, so we were okay.’
‘I made a point of catching up with Mr Aslan, too. Now, I can’t blame him for targeting the growing Christian holiday demographic. That’s statistics for you. So, he’s made some sacrifices? Who hasn’t? You should see my business loan! For a pretty out-of-the-way location with very basic infrastructure and populated by only low-skilled talking animals, he’s done pretty well.’
Finally, Mr Roberts summed up by saying, ‘I gave the place a good review. The only really annoying thing was how these English kids kept turning up. They had swords and stuff and kept whining about being chased or something.’
‘We’ll be going back, for sure. I mean, where else can you play ice hockey with unicorns and griffins?’
Canadian family lashes out in response to TripAdvisor Narnia review
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Al Roberts, of Cobalt, Ontario, told a local newspaper today that after reading the Pevensie review of their recent Narnian holiday he ‘simply had to speak out’. Mr Roberts had just returned from Narnia after a week-long holiday with his second wife and two sons.Posted 3 months ago #
And with great hat-tipping and apologies to Lucidity here for the original idea . . .Posted 3 months ago #
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