The BBC has been showered with accolades and rave reviews after the screening of the Eastenders episode handling the Beale bereavement. Torquil Faversham, in charge of gritty plot lines explained, 'We knew we couldn't expose the nation to the terrible loss of an indifferently toxic teenager without tempering it with life-affirming reminders that the script goes on.'
The storyline had viewers on the edge of their beanbags watching Beale approach his son in the Queen Vic to reveal the earth-shattering news of the murder of Lucy. The tension was skillfully broken by panning the camera to a random pregnant lady touchingly patting her bump. Critics agree that the juxtaposition of new life and timely death has proved a master class in light entertainment.
Adam Woodyatt (Ian Beale) gave a stunning performance of harrowingly unattractive grief, while his son Peter bellowed like a wounded calf. Despite these minor abberrations of genuinely good acting, the remaining Enders cast saved the day with a tour de force of life-affirming naff plot lines.
Brian Sewell enthused, 'I wept during sequences involving Danny Dyer worrying about his flatulent bulldog clearly whelping newfoundland pups. Simply exquisite'.
Mark Kermode concurred. 'Hair raising', he mused 'The part where Phil Mitchell gave mouth to mouth to an ailing puppy', he paused, temporarily incoherent with raw emotion, 'I dimly recall how he ruffled the ears on a fluffy kitten in the bar, former bitter adversaries gazing with moist admiration. Watching this was literally life-changing.'
Not since the death of Lady Diana Spencer has the nation been so unified in grief and loss. Anyone affected by the issues raised during the episode is encouraged to ring the BBC helpline, and shout 'Why, yes. Yes I have. this was shit!'
