An ashen-faced Grim Reaper was led sobbing from Goodison Park, scythe in hand, after straying dangerously close to David Moyes during a match which the United manager later rejoiced as 'the finest performance from the Reds during my long tenure'.
‘It was meant to be supportive’, said the Reaper. ‘I held the blade close to his face simply to remind him what silverware looked like. But it backfired spectacularly when I smelled the stench of decay.
'I start my new job as a lollipop man a week on Monday'