RECENT intelligence reports from North Korea have revealed that the country’s leader, Kim Jong-il, is a dick.
In a leaked intelligence document, compiled by the South Korean government, it has also emerged that the dictator is “a bit of a tosser”.
The report stated: “Contrary to the popular belief that Kim Jong-il is a ‘Dear Leader’, it would appear that he is, in fact, a dick and can often be very short with colleagues in the office.”
The report goes on the suggest that Kim’s bad attitude has been having a negative effect on his personal life, with the Chinese government recently pulling out of his monthly video club, saying they had to get the ironing done.
Earlier intelligence had indicated that the eccentric dictator’s popularity was waning after he was rumoured to have been voted off the Workers Party Social Committee for making some dubious decisions when organising the end of harvest dance.
Senior military figures were said to be unhappy at his choice of Hawaiian theme.
However, this is the first time it has been firmly stated that Kim has now received dick status.
A source for the UN backed the leaked report and added: “We always knew there was something about that guy – he’s like the boy at school who wears sandals and socks.
“I mean, have you seen his hair?”
Kim has ruled the secretive Stalinist state with an iron fist and wooden foot since 1993 when he took over from his father, Kim Il-sung.
He was recently thought to have suffered a stroke and it is suspected he is lining-up his son, Kim Jong-un, to succeed him.
But any shift in North Korea’s policies could still be a long way off - the same report comments that Jong-un “blows”.