John Paul O'Leary of Hunts Cross, Liverpool, today claimed in court that he was a member of a Russian spy ring.
"I firmly deny that I was exposing myself," he said during questioning. "In espionage terms - which I am only discussing in order to defend my good name - I was engaged in what is known as a 'Flash Drop'. Unfortunately, I was startled by school girls whom I was categorically not expecting to see by St. Mary's High School gates at 3.30pm. "
Outside Liverpool Magistrate Court, Inspector Sue Themhall said, "O'Leary has a long and varied history of intimate exposure, including passing through the ten items or less lane at Tesco and asking the checkout operator to weigh his saveloy. At no time has he ever claimed to be part of a Russian spy ring. I strongly suspect that he is capitalising on current events and the Teach-Yourself-Spy-Terms which was published in the Daily Mail."
The trial continues.