The BBC are advertising (every hour on the hour), a blockbuster Top Gear special filmed on Good Friday, to be screened on Easter Monday with His Holiness Pope Francis as the star guest. During an action-packed hour and a half the team have an engineering challenge titled 'Pope my ride' where they take a Subaru and convert it to an open-topped golf cart with armoured glass windows, and race their creations throught the streets of Essex. Extra points are awarded for 'bling' and as usual the boys go too far and hilarity ensues.
After a prologued, contrived and flawless stream of swearing by Clarkson, the pontiff performs an exorcism while Jeremy's co-presenters make hilarious quips. James May all the while is wearing sandals, a woven headband and a white robe, but strenously denying that he has come in 'fancy dress' as anyone special. Despite not having a driving licence, Francis uses his own vehicle for 'fastest pontiff in an averagely priced car' managing the circuit in under 55 minutes.
Hammond does his best to appear 'cute' until the Pope accidentally steps on him and then apologies profusely. A drama then unfolds where the viewing public are left in some doubt as to whether he can possibly survive his horrific injuries. He is then shown in a 'live' postscript (3 days later) end of the programme as perky as ever, while Clarkson is a tad subdued and never mentions the incident again.
There were suggestions that the programmers were going to achieve the ratings coup of a 'Good versus Evil' race around the Top Gear track, pitting the pontiff's driving skills against that of ex-PM Tony Blair. Unfortunately His Holiness had to decline. He wasn't too bothered about Tony, but he admitted that nothing in his papacy had prepared him for the horrific spiritual challenge of being in the demonic presence of Cherie.