Sources from within the Labour Party were preparing celebrations at the news that they might finally be able to get rid of electoral anvil and Shadow Chancellor Ed Balls. News of the story that Balls had hit someone's car and run off without leaving details was greeted in Labour headquarters with cries of joy and the popping of champagne corks, as party big-shots looked for a way of reviving their fortunes. One who preferred to remain anonymous, for fear of being duffed up by Charlie Wheelan, said 'Given his ridiculous intransigence, his insistence that Gordon Brown was always right and his pitiful performances in parliament, it's a fucking godsend. Given that losing one Shadow Chancellor is unfortunate and losing two is a fucking travesty, there wasn't much we could do, but now we might actually be able to bring someone in who knows what they're doing, if such a person could actually be found in the party. To be honest, if it hadn't happened, we'd probably have taken some sort of action soon ourselves.'
When asked what form such action would have taken, he said 'Oh, you know, we'd have had to …remove him from the equation. In truth, this is probably a more humane option. We're looking to learn lessons going forward from the Blair/Brown years. If Tony had been in this position, he'd have just had him shot round the back of Safeways.' In light of the opportune nature of the events, rumours have abounded that Labour were indeed behind the incident, as police were looking to interview a tall, gangly man in his early forties with dark hair and panda eyes who was seen moments before the collision, nudging the other car into the path of Balls's vehicle. Another insider said, 'If he wants to get rid of Balls, that's fine. But he's still next.'