In a dramatic legal twist today the trial of Oscar Pistorius was halted after the whole proceedings were judged to be 'frankly taking the piss'.
The case was halted after Pistorius rather over-did the 'Parker off Thunderbirds' impressions that he had been coerced into as part of a plea bargain. Prosecutors admitted to being 'in on the act', and were a 'tad disappointed' that he was such a snivelly big-girl's blouse version of the iconic puppetry chauffeur. The plan was that the defendant achieve at least one thousand obsequious 'M'ladys' before the last day, when the judge would sweep into the court attired in a Lady Penelope pink gown with matching miniskirt, talking in a British accent.
'The whole thing has been an elaborate charade', admitted someone in a suit. 'I mean really, if you shoot four times through a closed closet door with dum-dum bullets it doesn't matter if you think it is your girlfriend, an intruder, or Simon Bloody Cowell on the other side. It is surely still attempted murder'.
'So to make light of the profitable waste of everyone's time, we came up with a bit of a game.' He went on to reveal that the real motivation behind reconstructing Pistorius' bathroom in the court was not, as initially stated, to add verisimilitude to reconstructions and clarity to circumstances of the killing. It was in fact an extravagance for the comfort of the officials. A clerk cheerfully conceded that he and key witnesses rather 'liked swishing their junk in an Ormolu bidet before re-entering the tedium of the court, on a waft of orchid-scented freshness'.
Embarrassed court officials have since denied that there was a sponsorship deal to airlift Pistorius from the court on sentencing, in a mock-up of Thunderbird Two, and disappear him off to a mental institution in time to be rehabillitated for the next Olympics.