A new computer system from Castro Solutions is to revolutionise British society - by catalysing change, enhancing the class struggle and automating the process of barricade storming, ensuring that it runs 24/7 in real time.
'This is a truly unique solution that will change the way we work for good,' says Kevin Sandinista, regional product marketing manager for europe, middle east and africa (EMEA). 'it will deliver terror into the boardroom, while empowering the workers in the field with iron fist in velvet glove functionality.'
Truly holistic uprising systems are nothing new however. Insurgency 2.0 promised much, but a boardroom coup made sure that the moment of an eye catching launch was never maintained. Eventually it was acquired by Microsoft, who then allowed it to quietly die. Bastille Storm was hailed a triumph in France, but it's never really transferred and it remains incompatible with other regional systems.
Russian Revolution 1917 promised much, but in fact this was a series of smaller uprisings. With fervour spread out across portfolio of revolts, the brand was soon diluted in what CEO Lenin later described as a 'bloody struggle'.
But Sandinista claims his office revolution will work, as he's set realistic goals. 'We intend to set achievable targets, and go for the low hanging fruit,' he told analysts. A franchise operation was hinted at, with Sandinista complaining of the 'disenfranchisement of the workers' in an obvious dig at the previous administration.